The Stories:

My Brother Ted
"My brother Ted could make you feel better on his worst day. He played well with others! "
- Bob Coen {brother}

How I met Ted
It's the weekend before the start of Freshmen year at CMU. I had spent the day riding a Greyhound from New York to Pittsburgh. Finding my dorm room was a fiasco. Having finally found it, and being dead tired, I had gotten into to bed to call it a day. Some time later, the lights come on and three guys come piling into the room. One of which was some guy who said "Hi, I'm Ted. You must be my roommate. There's a party at the Student Center for incoming Freshmen. Get dressed and let's go!" So I did. That was my introduction to Ted Coen and the good times never stopped.
André Glenn (the brother Ted gave us)

On the phone ...
"Ted always had the ability to make people laugh. No matter what the situation - and could always laugh at himself. I always knew when Tom was talking to Ted on the phone because he would be laughing in hysterics, and few people made Tom laugh so much! He was truly a good guy and a great friend to many"
- Kris Sullivan (friend)

What is "A"?
At some point during Freshman year, Ted was doing some Math homework and ran across a problem that he couldn't solve. Given that I was a Computer Science major, he asked me for help. The key to solving the problem was solving an equation for the value of a variable named "A". Ted couldn't grasp this for some reason. Exasperated, I exclaimed "What is A!!!". From that point on, whenever someone missed the point in a conversation, Ted would turn to me and say "What is A" and we would laugh.
André Glenn

Ringing around my head
"Goddammit I loved him....and goddammit I miss him....His songs are forever ringing around my head....I hum 'em in the shower and I hum 'em in the car....and late at night, like tonight, I sit in the basement and play and sing them (wish I could sing for real....) The songs, I learned in Nashville....The song itself is the key....and I'm blessed for having the good fortune to be a part of their realization (at least some of them). What a genius!
- Tom Sullivan (Musical partner, band mate, & friend)

Why Ted preferred to play guitars with the high E string missing
Ted was quoted as saying that he preferred to play guitars with the high E string missing. Here's the insight on that one. I had bought a guitar during the summer after Sophmore year. I was living in my Fraternity's house Junior year, and Ted would come to visit from time to time. He would always pick up my guitar and strum some chords. Invariably, he would break the high E string on my guitar. He'd then proceed to apologize, and continue playing. This got to be a regular occasion, so I started keeping extra high E strings on hand. After a while, he started claiming that there was something wrong with my guitar and that's why the string kept breaking.

Sure enough, when we moved back in together Senior year, he had a guitar that was missing a high E string. I felt vindicated that it was him and not my guitar that was responsible for breaking all those strings. Given that the nearest music store was some distance, Ted never made it there to buy a replacement high E string. So he wound up playing a guitar with no high E string and got used to it. Any time I would see Ted playing a guitar with all six strings, I would wince and be prepared to see him break that high E.
André Glenn

Dude!
Ted was walking along one day, and he ran into a guy he hadn't seen since school. He noticed that this guy was rather rare of hair. As they met he greeted him with the statement: "Dude, you're BALD!"

To this his friend exclaimed: "Dude, you're FAT!"
- Ted {Himself - as told to his sister}

How to throw a party for less than $20
It was Senior year and we were living off-campus on Centre Avenue. It was Friday night and we had decided to throw a party. Unfortunately, neither one of had much money at the time. Pooled together, we had twenty dollars. That's when Ted and I became inventive. In Pittsburgh, the call Bologna, "Jumbo" as in "Jumbo Bologna". The great thing was that it was always on sale for 99 cents. So we bought a pound of Jumbo and a 99 cent loaf of bread. We went into the Generic food aisle and bought a Extra-large bag of potato chips, and a bag of pretzels for about two dollars in total. Total cost so far, a little under four dollars.

Then it was time to get the beer. We had a beer distributor right around the corner from our apartment (just a coincidence!). The local brewery, Iron City, was having a special on a new beer that they were testing, Iron City Dark. They were selling it for five dollars a case. When Ted saw that, he insisted that we couldn't pass that up. Having had the regular Iron City beer, I was a little leery and insisted that we buy a case of Stroh's in addition. Not that Stroh's is such a great beer, but Iron City sucks. So we splurged for a ten dollar case of Stroh's also. So, having spent about 19 dollars, we headed back the apartment to set up for the party.

I took the Jumbo and the loaf of bread and proceeded to make finger sandwiches by taking a Jumbo sandwich and cutting it into fourths. So now we had four times as many sandwiches as we would have if we used a full slice of bread. We put the chips and pretzels out in bowls and waited for everyone to show up.

I don't know if it was a slow night elsewhere or what, but we had the best party that we ever threw. The apartment was packed with people at one point. People loved the mini-Jumbo sandwiches. We received tons of compliments from people, everyone saying that they had a great time. Funny enough, the Iron City dark was absolutely horrible. It tasted like someone took burnt sugar and water, and put it in a can. People immediately gravitated to the Stroh's which went pretty quickly. But Ted stubbornly drank the Iron City Dark rather than admit that it was terrible (he did so at a later date). And that's how we threw a great party for less than $20.
André Glenn

How To Pickup College Girls
It was late one night and Ted and I were hanging out on the porch of my fraternity house. We were soon joined by a couple of my other friends and I introduced them to Ted. The subject eventually got to picking up women. Ted, who made a few acquaintances during his CMU stay, stated that there was a sure-fire set of lines that always worked. He proceeded to rattle them off in the manner of Sgt. Joe Friday from Dragnet. "What's your major", "What year are you", "Where are you from", "What's your favorite color". A woman that none of us knew joined us on the porch. Ted proceeed to ask her "What's your major", "What year are you", "Where are you from", "What's your favorite color" with a rapid fire delivery. We all had a good laugh at that one.
André Glenn

Great Childhood
I remember Teddy as a small boy always tagging along behind Lisa, Bobby & I when we were playing.

I remember the house on Orange Heights, playing in the yard and also in the big yard of the house lot behind our houses. We all loved playing hide-n-seek and sleigh riding in the winter. What fun we all had!

I remember when you moved to Gregory Avenue and we all explored your garage - an old barn in my memory - Teddy, Lisa & I found lots of treasures there."
- Valerie Kenyon (neighborhood pal)

Ted's 5th Grade Hole-in-One
"Ted was always much better than I was and he seemed to understand all aspects of golf at a different level for our age. On one occasion, Mrs. Coen dropped Ted and I off after school at the 9 nine hole course where Rascals Comedy Club now stands on Pleasant Valley Way in West Orange. I remember playing the round and watching Ted truly sink a hole in one on the 7th or 8th hole of that day. It is the only hole in one I have ever witnessed in my life and I won't forget it. We both saw it clearly drop in the cup. Watching Ted throw his club in the air and dance around are forever etched in my mind. Mrs. Coen called the West Orange Chronicle to report it and we both read the article about it."
- Eric Kunz {childhood best buddy}

Tiger Woods
Our aunt Martha wasn't feeling well, and she only had the energy to nap and watch TV, something she never did, normally preferring to attend the New York City Opera and Ballet. Her TV choices were culturally lacking, but she did discover the Golf Network:

"I've been watching Golf on TV (eye roll, mouth smirk) can you believe it? But oh, that Tiger Woods! Watching him golf is like watching Mikhail Baryshnikov"
- Martha Gonski {Aunt}

"Watching me golf is like watching a drunk fall down the stairs!"
- Ted {Himself}

Ted, John, and Eric's Snow Day
"The three of us went home to Ted's House for Lunch on a day that was deemed "In climate" because a light snow was falling on top of about a foot already on the ground. This meant that anyone who didn't go home for lunch had to stay inside for the entire lunch period. Most of the other kids in Mrs. Perez, Mrs. Baris, and Ms. Height's 6th Grade Classes had to eat their lunch in the classroom that day.

One of us must have had the idea to bring Ted's plastic sled and slide down the hill behind Gregory School for the remainder of our lunch period. We played on the sled for quite a long time and got totally soaked. I remember waiving at the kids inside the school. What we didn't realize was that we were in view of practically every child in the entire elementary school and they were going crazy watching us playing in the snow and sledding down the hill. Apparently, while we were "Hi-Fiving" in the snow, there was a riot of screaming and complaining children clawing at the windows inside the school. The stone cold grimace on Mrs. Height's face when we walked inside still makes me shutter. We had to get our parents to sign a letter about how we caused a riot."
Eric Kunz {Partner in crime ...}

Growing Up
"I have been a friend of the Coen family for years. I saw the children grow up. My girls have more personal remembrances of being in the company of Bobby, Lisa and Teddy"
- Ruth Kenyon (Mom's friend)

Teddy At 16,17,18
I remember Teddy at 16, 17, 18 years old. A handsome, blond, polite, likeable youth."
- Ronnie (Mom's friend)

I'm Your Ice Cream Man
During high school Ted spent his summers working on an ice cream truck. The summer after Freshman year, I went out to West Orange, NJ to hang out with him for a couple of days. The day that I got out there, he had to work on the truck. So I joined him. We all remember our childhood and hearing that familiar tune that the Ice Cream truck plays as it goes down the block. Well not when Ted Coen is driving the truck. We went down the streets with Van Halen blaring from the truck's speakers. Only Ted.
André Glenn

Antique Sofa
"A young Ted (teens) came to visit Geri & Vin in their "penthouse" apartment in Port Jeff. He just happened along at the very moment they were moving a huge antique sofa up three flights of stairs! Was he in the right place at the right time?"
- Geri?

Ted told me it was going to be a test.....

When he took a woman out for the first time he took her to the Andy Warhol Muesum. If she was receptive to Andy's form of art then she was "ok" in his book. I wasn't sure at the time why that place meant so much to him, but I know now what it means to us.

Days before we went we had a conversation about a certain painting..."Oxidation" I believe it was called. Andy had painted a large canvas, green in color, and had a friend - after many dark beers mind you - urinate in spots where Andy had instructed him to "aim". I had never heard of such a painting before Ted had told me about it.

Ted had picked me up early in the afternoon on a saturday. We were both a little nervous but excited all the same. The museum was beautiful...pictures of celebrities...abstract art....letters from some of Andy's closest friends....some of his favorite articles of clothing...the pillow room where we tossed large balloons filled with helium at one another...ducking and dodging like children.

Ted was enthralled by Andy's works, looking at each of them as if it were his first time. There were seven floors, all dedicated to a man that I'm reminded of every time I open a can of Campbell's Soup. Ted and I came upon a large room. Paintings lined the walls. There were a string of punching bags with notations to Jesus on them in the middle of the room. I looked across the room and saw what seemed to be a hazy painting of a forest. Ted had been reading the messages on the punching bags when I walked over to the painting, it was beautiful.

My face was only inches away from it when I caught Ted walking by to read the plate on the wall next to the painting out of the corner of my eye....
"Kim" he said...
"Kim"......he repeated with a little snicker.....
"THIS IS IT"!!!!!!
He started roaring because my face was so close to the canvas. Two days later he came over for dinner....I served beer...
- Kim Welling (good friend)

Mommy Mommy!
"We (the Unruhs) we visiting Bob & Wanda for a weekend and Wanda and I were talking as we prepared dinner. Teddy - about 2 years old - was clinging to Wanda's leg and calling "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" trying to get her attention but we were ignoring him, engrossed in our conversation. Suddenly Wanda jumped and yelled "Ouch!" and she looked at him in disbelief and said "He just bit me in the behind! Can you imagine?"

He knew how to get your attention all right!"
- Mary Coen Unruh (aunt)

Taking care of baby
"Lisa and I would be helping Ted bathe as a baby and we made him eat soap. It made him throw up, and we got punished …

Ted used to stand up in his crib and holler, all his toys were on the floor. We'd put them all back and he'd continue to toss them out. This fun chore stopped when we got tired before he did …"
- Barbara Gonski Chammings (cousin)

Dance France!
One summer we vacationed in Bayville NJ - we were there for a month and all the cousins came to visit at one point. 2-year-old Teddy was able to polish a fine routine for our entertainment. He'd stand on the back of the couch and yell "I'm Francie!" (Francie was Pepper's little sister - they were "Barbie" like dolls) and we'd yell "Dance France!" and he'd dance around until his diaper was down around his ankles and he was upside down on the couch.
- lisa (sister)

Getting to know you ...
I didn't like Ted that much when I first met him. He really cut into my TV schedule"
- Bobby (brother)

Amber's TV Stand
If Ted knew how much dust Amber is collecting on this thing he'd be howling...

Ted and I were on a mission....complete the tasks that we needed to do that day and have the rest of the evenig to ourselves.

Amber {my daughter} wanted SO badly to get a new television stand that day she could taste it.....I needed to clean up the apartment so Ted decided to take her to the store to pick it up. They brought home a VERY heavy box with what had seemed thousands of pieces in it. Amber and Ted proceded to empty the box on the living room floor and assemble it.....
They grabbed the little tool box we'd kept in the hallway closet and began their task. Ted was in charge of tools and Amber was in charge of saying...."Mum! Come help us!"....
I had walked in the room to find the two of them laughing when they realized that Ted had put the hinges on the outside instead of the inside of the doors.....

OH MAN!!!

After they corrected the mishap they continued to construct the stand.I walked away shaking my head and grinning at the fact that they were having so
much fun together. after a few hours.....

Mission Completed!

They had put the thing together without having one single screw, nail or nut left. Stood it uprigh and took a close look at it.

Amber was so pleased that her new piece of furniture was put together that she didn't even notice that the bottom of the stand was put on upside down. Ted snickered and whispered to me: "She'll never notice, lets go out".....and she never has!

When I look at that stand now I think of the both of them laughing and fooling around as they tried to put this thing together. It's a fond memory that I'll cherish the rest of my life....
- Kim Welling (good friend)

Best Friend
Ted was my best friend in younger years, and an inspiration to me in the musical field. Even in our later years we could still make each other laugh so hard it hurt.
- John Pfeiffer (best friend)

Darling Cousin
Teddy was always the darling little cousin for me. When we were playing he tagged along, but he was so good-natured and funny that we didn't mind. I remember his christening - we went to your house afterwards, with Mimi, and while the mothers bustled around preparing food, I watched Teddy in his little cradle. He looked up wide-eyed and perfect and I fell in love with him of course. I felt honored when your mom let me help with him.

Each time we visited Ted was different, and the rest of us grew together, not seeming to change. As he toddled around cheerfully, danced in his diaper and played rock concerts on his plastic guitar he added a bit of delight and a bit of chaos. It was that little brother of yours who I thought of when I planned on having children, and I recalled how much extra he brought to the family. You could never have that amount of fun with only two.

Sometimes we chased him away so we could watch our cartoons and he took it good-naturedly. He always came back. Later he was the little guy, as Lauren was the little girl, and they were just part of things. We didn't let them play all the time, but we kept an eye on them. As he got a little older he became more distant from us, the cousins, and we watched fondly as he would pass us in his new sophistication.
- Mary Ellen Unruh Randall (cousin)

Jerky Boys
He was an amazing impressionist. I laughed so hard I nearly peed when I heard him do routine after routine from the Jerky Boys CD. I was not as impressed with the actual CD.
- lisa(sister)

Make the Drinks
One day he was working at his job at Burger King during Christmas break. It was lunchtime and the crowds were getting thick. The call came out from the manager "Make the Drinks!" So Ted sprang into action filling cups with ice and soda, cranking himself along to the mantra "Make the drinks. Make the drinks, Make the drinks." After a while of this he looked up to see a sparsely populated counter. Then he looked down to see an avalanche of rapidly de-carbonizing cups of soda. So he sprang into action: "Drink the drinks, Drink the drinks, Drink the drinks"
- lisa(sister)

Barbeque
He made a mean barbeque. It goes like this: You get a mess of country ribs. Boil them in cheap beer for a while. Then get a bunch of barbeque sauce - make some or open some, slather it on the ribs. Now bake them for about an hour or so. It's not rocket science. This last step is ideal, but not absolutely mandatory: Lay them on the grill to get the smoky grilled thing happening. Enjoy.
- lisa(sister)

Pancakes
Ted was the first person to tell me that you always wreck the first pancake. I heard this later from Julia Child.
- lisa(sister)

Bag of Bags
Ted came up with this one:
When my aunt died, she had been ill for a long time, and things in the house were, shall we say, disordered. There were stacks and stacks of grocery bags, bags filled with clothing, bags filled with papers, bags filled with coupons, bags filled with garbage, bags filled with food, bags filled with recycling, bags filled with coins. You get the picture. So on the day of the reading of the will, all were assembled, and the reading began:
"Joe, you were a miserable son of a ____ and you never had a nice thing to say to any one, so to you I leave: 1 bag of bags.
Esther, you were cheap and petty, and I'll never forgive you for that time. You know when I mean. So to you I leave: 1 bag of bags.
Mini, you owe me from that time I lent you the money, and I know you were stealing from my garden, so to you I leave: 1 bag of bags.
Tony, you took me to church every Sunday, you mowed my lawn, took out my garbage, serviced my car, cleaned my gutters and didn't complain when I made you re-trim the bushes last fall. I couldn't have gone on without you. So to you I leave: 2 bags of bags!
- lisa(sister)

I remember the day my mom told us that she was going to have another baby. She was very happy, so I knew it would be a good thing.

I rushed home every day from 1st grade to see him and every day I reminded him that he should remember what heaven was like so that he could tell me when he could talk, since I hadn't thought to remember myself.

He told me he came from mommy's heart.

Ted was the funniest person I knew. He wanted everyone to be happy and he loved to entertain people.

He was a man of action. He could not stand to pussy foot around about things. God help you if you were wandering around looking for a restaurant with him, because you would surely end up at the first one you saw!

Ted was a born salesman. He was still in a highchair when he began negotiating his first deals: "I'll eat all of the peas if I don't have to eat any broccoli" He drove such a hard bargain that my mother began to respond "no deals" before he could finish extending his hand in the classic negotiating gesture (demonstrate)

He was also one of the hardest working people I knew. He was always there to pitch in to do whatever needed to be done. Many a moving truck and Christmas tree was graced with his contribution. Laughing all the way.

He loved to help people and he was never happier than when my dad called him to consult with him about some advertising issue that he was researching.

And my brother was truly generous. He shared his time, he'd give you anything he had, he was a world-class tipper. He even gave me a new brother. We love Andre.

And yet, for someone who loved to talk as much as he did, he was a gifted listener and observer. He saw the humor and irony in almost everything.

It was great watching Bob and Ted practice their own flavor of comic call and response. They could go for hours riffing about characters they made up.

Well now he is in all our hearts.
Over the last few days I've been trying to make sense of the fact that he isn't here. That I can't call him, I won't see him. I will not hear his voice.

Everything I saw made me sad because he wouldn't see it. He couldn't feel the heat that day, would not see the movie I saw, would not smell the lilac that came out that day.

But then, something would creep into my mind. Some wacky thing that he said, I'd remember an afternoon at the beach, the freaky way he looked riding a bike that was too short for him, I suddenly smelled the barbeque he taught me to make.

And then that's when I realized that he was in my heart.

He will have to feel the pain and sadness that we are all feeling now,

But he will also get to feel the pleasure that he's made for us, when we remember all the wonderful things he did and said and made.

And he will finally understand how many people really love and respect him. And he will know that he's always had it.

There are two things that you can do for me.

First of all, since you have my youngest brother in your heart, please take care of him. Feed him delicious meals, take him to beautiful places, share the love of your family and friends with him by loving them more than they deserve.

He was a kind person who would do anything for anyone, so be nice to the world. Let that car in on the highway, hold the door for someone, share what you have and be generous. Remember all the wonderful things you can about him.

Which brings me to the second thing: Please share your wonderful stories with us. Send them here, and I'll put them up: itsaboutted@sighton.com

xxxooo,

- lisa

Revision History:

V1.0: 071701
V1.1: 081801